<unedited, authentic>
I felt like life today- something living. It’s been a while since I could say that. In depression, we tend to feel more like death. Only those with depression illnesses would understand.
I have smiled more than I did in all of December. I laughed and checked on others. I saw past my pain long enough to see hope. I have encountered Jesus in my darkness, and He illuminated it with light.
I am walking in gratitude. I am alive.
I know how fast things can change. I became overwhelmed by circumstances out of my control. They came like rockets aimed at my heart. After several shots, this heart began to beat differently, slowly, and with less power. Once I allowed this change, my mind followed. My thoughts changed, my emotions, my feelings-they all morphed into the other side.
I am still in the thick of trials, but my abilities have evolved to a point I can tolerate and handle things with a clear mind.
This is the seesaw of bipolar, the ups and downs of a bipolar mind. We fight to carry on. Some days consist of fighting deep, dark thoughts. Other days, our strength leads the way through chaos, and it takes little fighting at all.
There is no way to predict the future-meaning tomorrow. At this moment, I feel free. I hold onto that as long as I can.
Authentic Truths 
I can so relate to this idea of feeling like death. I remember a season of my life that was so painful, dreadful, and numbing. When I think back on that time, my brain adds an apocalyptic, half sepia, half grayscale feel to everything. As someone living with bipolar, it’s so hard to imagine it ever not feeling that way, even though from past experience I know that it can’t last forever. Thanks for your vulnerability in sharing your experience!
Also, Jesus, love the guy.
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Thanks for sharing Jared. Always nice to have others who confirm what we go through.
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