I want to go home, get out, be done, leave this world. It holds nothing for me. The world has been a pain in my ass from the get go.
Through the storm..We can find peace.
You see, the beauty of earth was constant and never hurt me. It wrapped me in a warm embrace and welcomed me with a power beyond men.
Addiction is a battle we fight within though it is outwardly instigated. As a mother I question everything I say, think, feel, and do because someone out there thinks, says, feels, and does whatever they please.
My year was not consumed by Covid, it was consumed by jail, drugs, alcohol, and mental decline- not of me, but of those around me. Internalizing their issues has been my downfall, and I still don't know how to overcome the battle.
In today's world, it is not uncommon for feelings to rule. If I look back on my life, it has been this way for a long time. I cannot say it was always this way. Generations before me experienced feelings in situations, dealing with them, then letting them go. Life went on, and hurt or …
(It is #77) What the hell am I doing? I rarely cuss. I hate it, to be honest. If it leaves my mouth, my patience is fried. I may be there today. I watched a movie early this morning. A sappy love film. "How long have you been married? Do you really even know who …
...Unfortunately, every night became a haunted nightmare, and to survive, I closed my eyes and flew away. With my baby sister in the bunk bed below me, I endured the torture, hopeful he would leave her alone. I would shed a tear in the darkness and whisper in my mind, "don't move… don't move..don't wake up…don't see.."
Stepping into Done
Is this a meltdown of sorts? For the first time in my life, I am crying out to myself- not a doctor, not family, not even God. I am internally wailing at myself to wake up, to feel, to live. Yet, I have zero response in me.