Mental Illness, Family Addiction, and Survival
Depression
I know the doubt, fear, and frustration in managing the symptoms of bipolar. If I prayed long and hard enough, I thought I would be healed, cured, and labeled a miracle. So far, that has not happened. I am still balancing bipolar, but with a new understanding of my mind.
We woke to crashing and movement of furniture. I quickly ran upstairs and listened at my daughters door. She was screaming, "Let me out of here!" With caution, I approached her door and began to turn the handle. It wasn't locked, I'm not even sure it has a lock. There was my daughter, on her knees, fighting the lockless handle, to escape her room.
I tried to be the strong warrior for all, in fact my words were still fierce and meaningful. Unfortunately, the auto pilot mechanism of helping others, never applied to me.
When anxiety tramples your night.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw us in that bathroom, her eyes closed and mine filled with pain. Will she ever know the depths of my love? Who knew God would use a moment blow drying her hair to bring about a profound reminder of hope.
I want to go home, get out, be done, leave this world. It holds nothing for me. The world has been a pain in my ass from the get go.
Through the storm..We can find peace.
My year was not consumed by Covid, it was consumed by jail, drugs, alcohol, and mental decline- not of me, but of those around me. Internalizing their issues has been my downfall, and I still don't know how to overcome the battle.
In today's world, it is not uncommon for feelings to rule. If I look back on my life, it has been this way for a long time. I cannot say it was always this way. Generations before me experienced feelings in situations, dealing with them, then letting them go. Life went on, and hurt or …
Continue reading "Bipolar Life- From Feeling Nothing to Feeling Christ"
..take this world, and give me Jesus..
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