Wrestling with fear stole my peace; for that, I hold many regrets. Is it possible to fear and still trust? According to this verse, we trust in God and will not fear. One depends on the other.
When mental illness meets addiction, death happens.
My struggle in anxiety is the complete loss of control. I can work my thoughts in depression and mania, but anxiety has proven to take the upper hand in the past.
For fear of losing myself, I take time to get in my head and to lift my spirits through the strength of Jesus Christ. On my own, I fail to save myself. I know this, so I fight to reach in and surrender.
I have long been on the fence regarding support networks. I attended some that only brought me down, and others with so little accountability, you can't rely on their process as support. I appreciate the current group I am meeting with as we are using a specific workbook written for mental health.
Strength in me.
I don't choose to hide my truth in some closet in hopes of fooling anyone. I make no claims to owning the answers for mental health. I am not the authority on anything.
I follow a few social media style support networks for Christians with depression, and it baffles me that in 2020 we still hear the misguided answer that the devil is living in us through this mental illness. Allow me to correct this with calm words on a screen, as in person, it may get heated.
This is the seesaw of bipolar, the ups and downs of a bipolar mind. We fight to carry on. Some days consist of fighting deep, dark thoughts. Other days, our strength lead the way through chaos..
Sitting at work like, "Was I even here in December. When did the sun come back? What just happened to 2019, was I even in it?"