Use one word to describe life right now- Victorious! (In Christ)
From a profoundly depressed state, I feel alive once again. I isolated myself while not being isolated. I am free. I pressed into Jesus through my darkest days, and I see His light now. The patient and intentional love of my Savior carried me. Buried to His neck in my emotional mess and moody muck, we have stepped up to the other side. I imagine His arms are tired, and his legs ache from the journey. How Christ does it, I will never know.
I wanted to give up numerous times. I threw in my towel, but I found it back in my hands time and again. When I tried to run, the Holy Spirit whispered, “Follow me.” With arms crossed and pouting lip, I chose to obey. For the first time in a long time, I asked, “Why.”
Do I deserve to dream, Lord? Am I worthy of your calling? Are the barricades of this life beyond my ability?
My questions were a constant reminder of my doubt and faithless position.
I maintain that I am a strong woman of faith (even in that doubt). However, when one trial after another comes, you question yourself more than you question God. I believe in His mighty ways, but I wonder who I ticked off. These irrational thoughts lead back to my religious beginnings of doing more rather than being enough. One can’t earn their way to salvation, it is only by the blood of Jesus we have been saved and offered this tremendous gift. So, it doesn’t matter who I ticked off, because Jesus has my back.
Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD. (Psalm 46:10)
These are the commands given to my heart.
“I will be honored by every nation.”
This world cannot stand against God. He is the Almighty of the mightiest, and I must believe! With every deterrent to my faith, I must choose to fight through steadfast belief.
Someone slow my mind. But wait, only I can do that.
It is the choice we all have to make. By stilling myself to God, he can use his power to guide me through the turbulence. Moreover, without God, I fail in victory. He gives us what we need, no matter who comes against us or what battles we face.