Bipolar Life- The Journal #51, “War Against Anxiety”

A couple of days ago, I realized I was battling anxiety. This revelation saddened me. For months I felt peace while stumbling through the shower of stress bullets coming at me. I get it now. Even if the shots miss, you are exhausted from dodging them.

I spent the last two days with chest pain and a racing heart. I also seized the time to reflect. The signs were there. Had I not paused and began to unpack my emotional baggage, the next stop would have been ugly.

I fell asleep last night listening to Christian affirmations. I continued to play them today. Scripture speaks to my heart in my lost times. It is the map to hope, healing, care, and comfort. As I raced through my stressful day, my heart stood at a steady pace. Anxiety tried to creep in, and I talked myself down.

With uncertainty in the days to come, I have reassurance I’m not alone. When I begin shaking, God is with me. When my heart beats out of tune, he speaks it into rhythm. What feels overwhelming has been overcome. Mental health conflict meet your opponent, dressed in loving preparation and persistence.

Though it’s the worst anxiety I’ve experienced, I do not fear. I will get through it. I will wake up and get ready, like every other day. If more rest is necessary, I’ll rest. If I have to turn my car around in a moment of panic, I will. I refuse to judge myself for being broken. Even unsteady, I am a loved child of God.

You see, He meets me in this place, and walks me through. I am not alone. That truth will lead me back to mentally healthy. The journey has begun.

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