Bipolar Life-Step Away

Fear. It will not win.

Anxiety is a difficult challenge. It rears itself at the most inopportune time, and takes a hold of your very breath. Suddenly, your ability, in my case, to socialize shuts completely down, and your ‘flight now’ mechanism takes over. You run, in lightening speed, away.

I had to quickly remove myself today. I didn’t want to socialize in the midst of an intentional socializing day at church- our annual summer’s end picnic. But I had my granddaughter, and she saw all the fun games and jump castle’s, so we stayed.

This didn’t end with a story of ‘the Lord helped me overcome the anxiety and we stayed and had a great time’.

No.

God knew how significant my struggle was, and as I was leaving, my mom called and said she was on her way. When she arrived, she took my darling grandbaby to enjoy some time at the picnic, and I rushed to my car.

The Lord is absolutely in the midst of this current battle.

He knows my limits because he knows me. I know his love and patience because I know Him.

Without this very intimate relationship we share, I’d be crying in a bowl of Cheerios, feeling like a failure today.

He gets me in ways you may not. What might appear as a weakness to you, is strength to me- His strength in me.

There was nothing wrong with getting out of the situation. There is nothing wrong with not getting all rowled up inside, my heart beating in double time and not able to breathe.

This is my reality. I do not feel guilty for running away today. I feel blessed that everything worked out just right. I feel proud of myself for going to church when I wanted to stay in bed, for looking my pastor in the eye and saying I need prayer, and telling him why.

This is being real. Bringing my real self before God and his family. My worship looked no different because I no longer let ‘life’ interfere with my time with God.

That’s how I survive, that’s how I get through.

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