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Here I go.
There is so much in my heart right now. Conveying a message of absence is difficult.
I am one of thousands of parents swimming through living grief.
What is living grief, you ask?
It is mourning the loss of a loved one who still lives. I wake up every morning to an absence I never prepared for. How do parents ever prepare their hearts for moments like this? Addiction continues to steal precious lives.
I do not mind mornings. I am alone and can be wherever my thoughts take me. Lately, they travel down memory lane. I remember shopping with my best friend. We enjoyed finding ways to stick to a budget as part of a game. I remember watching stupid reality TV shows and laughing together. My laugh changes from day to day. Often, it doesn’t exist.
I tried, but her absence broke me. My effort to put the pieces back together has not gone well.
Once cracked, they never fit quite right, you know?
“Where are you?”
“Are you warm? Cold? Fed?”
I cry in the quiet of the morning mist. No one sees me, and no one knows. The private mourning I do remains mine.
People ask me about you all the time. They continue to pray and wait for your healing. Maybe you’ve received it and are too angry to share it with me. Perhaps not, and you aren’t eager to share that either.
Whatever it is, your absence crushes me. I keep it locked away. People couldn’t handle my mess anymore; it was too heavy. I understand, but now there’s an unavoidable absence in those relationships, too. I heard addiction does that.
I love you with all my heart. Every fiber in me clings to hope and holds onto you. In my mind, you’re never far away. My heart knows the difference.
Love,
Mom
Authentic Truths 
Lisa, my heart goes out to you and your child. Lifting you both up in prayer for recovery, healing & reconciliation.
Tenderhearted {{Hugs}}
FMF#6
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Thank you so much. Prayers are always appreciated!
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There is pain we cannot see
veiled behind the eyes you turn
to the world, for few can be
worthy of trust they must earn.
They speak in happy-thought cliche
and offer day-old casserole
and think they have found the way
to duct-tape fix your shattered soul
that you must now in care protect
against the endless aching loss,
for platitudes at end reject
both Calvary and rough-hewn Cross
on which in these days you hang
right next to the Son of Man.
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🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
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My heart goes out to you, Lisa.
Prayers for comfort and peace, restoration of your relationship with your daughter, and that she would find healing and victory in Jesus over the chains that bind her.
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Amen!!! Thank you for praying.
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oh, that’s such a tough one. I hope that somehow God can reach through the addiction and bring them back to you. my heart just wants to hug you and say it will be alright, but I don’t want my words and heart to be meaningless. Lean on God more through your pain and know tonight a prayer is said. FMF 15
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Thank you. I appreciate your words.
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Lisa, I am so sorry. That is some powerful writing. Thank you for sharing. I know some of that pain. Entrust her and your own heart to Jesus.
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Amen.
Thank you for the encouragement.
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