If you have not parented through substance use, you can't understand. However, you might get it if you experience strongholds, anger, doubt, fear, and loneliness. If you ever spent time trying to outdo God in a life meant for surrender, then you can understand a piece of the trauma in addiction.
begin to make plans for their future, I wonder why my kids never believed they should do the same. We are told not to ask, but I can't let go of the questions, "What did I do wrong?.. Could I have done more to help them?.. Didn't I teach them confidence?" I could go on. What happened here?
I thought ‘who I am’ was wrapped up in titles and what I do, but I am very wrong. My identity is lovingly written on the palm of God’s hand. (Isaiah 49: 15-16).
Hindsight leads to insight, and if I knew then, what I know now, it would be a different ballgame. It may not change the outcome because the one lesson I know better than any is I can never change another human's mind. I do not own that power.
There was relief
In the final sigh..
When surrender felt
Like breath of life..
"God, if you have to take my son, I will let him go."
I will never forget the pain in those words. I was heartbroken and angry. How would God do this to us?
How do we love those who not only appear unlovable in their mess but also hate us in it, as well? I had dodged fists and verbal attacks, put up bail money (only once), picked up my grand-kids from a ravaged house with a passed out mom, and cleaned out more hidden empty bottles than I can count. Still, the pain I felt when the handcuffs went on killed me. The hopelessness was burning through my soul the way Satan enjoys.
You're not a failure. Never forget that.
One word, five minutes..GO!
As my son made his way to 18, I thought it was all coming to an end. As though my status as mom would be revoked and I had to apply for a new one.