We woke to crashing and movement of furniture. I quickly ran upstairs and listened at my daughters door. She was screaming, "Let me out of here!" With caution, I approached her door and began to turn the handle. It wasn't locked, I'm not even sure it has a lock. There was my daughter, on her knees, fighting the lockless handle, to escape her room.
God's love will lead us to step aside. His parenting must come first.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw us in that bathroom, her eyes closed and mine filled with pain. Will she ever know the depths of my love? Who knew God would use a moment blow drying her hair to bring about a profound reminder of hope.
You cannot love others as yourself if you do not love yourself first.
When momma mothers addiction.
Addiction is a battle we fight within though it is outwardly instigated. As a mother I question everything I say, think, feel, and do because someone out there thinks, says, feels, and does whatever they please.
My year was not consumed by Covid, it was consumed by jail, drugs, alcohol, and mental decline- not of me, but of those around me. Internalizing their issues has been my downfall, and I still don't know how to overcome the battle.
They may not make it out alive. I already found my daughter unresponsive in a suicide attempt, so I am numb to the scenario, yet in fear. As a parent, you never want to accept your child might die, but I acknowledge this painful truth.
Today, I admit my loss, and it's not you, it is me. My identify is gone, and my will to live is slowly dwindling to nothing. I moved from the joy of living to hate of breathing.
(It is #77) What the hell am I doing? I rarely cuss. I hate it, to be honest. If it leaves my mouth, my patience is fried. I may be there today. I watched a movie early this morning. A sappy love film. "How long have you been married? Do you really even know who …