Our life is short. How many of you look back on your parenting years and wonder where the time went? How often do we cry alone at the loss or change in our role? I remember the day I looked at my husband and thought, “Who are you? And what am I supposed to do with you without them”?
Shuffling from old mom role to new mom role is rough. I have been doing this for a long time. My oldest son turns 30 in a few short weeks and my baby, 21. I began this series a few years ago. (Read the beginning here- Swimming Against the Current) When I set out to record this changing time in my life, I felt like I was being spit out into an unknown ocean. I was a frightened mess.
Today is a different story. I accepted the changing role and found myself still necessary. These adult children of mine require my presence in different ways. Some days we have no communication, but most days we talk, text, or chat in some form. I am grateful for the connection. It took time to comprehend I don’t disappear into a corner. Our love grows as my role evolves.
The unknown of what comes next awakens me. The questions outnumber the answers for sure. I love being a nana to my four grandchildren (aka my apples), and I treasure the time I spend with them. My husband, Craig, and I are finding our way through being married with grown kids. That relationship evolves as well. For a while, I feared communicating with a man I never knew before kids. We are a blended family of his, mine, and ours. The thought of being ‘just us’ was foreign to me.
When I believe I have this figured out, a new challenge arises. I no longer feel helpless or hopeless in the journey. There are no catastrophic waves. I found peace through this challenging phase of life. I’m amazed at the level of peace I achieved. The term ‘pressing into Jesus’ took on an intentional meaning in my life. I know the internal work I did to get to this place. Even without all the answers, I remain calm and steady. I have a new identity, though I can’t name it. Through experience, I have gained wisdom, and that is what life does. We never stop growing.
As I wade through the unknown today, I cheer for my tomorrow. Whatever is coming, God is still in control.