I thought ‘who I am’ was wrapped up in titles and what I do, but I am very wrong. My identity is lovingly written on the palm of God’s hand. (Isaiah 49: 15-16).
In all the mothering I did, speaking encouragement into the broken lives of my children, and lifting up unceasing prayer, I found peace in the truth of letting go. It does not only apply to addicted kids, it applies to all kids.
Should the responsibility of maintaining be solely on one person?
I feel used and abused after all these years. There is no appreciation shown, value placed, or relief sent my way.
Chasing disappointments that have plagued me for years now, I am somber. There is a sense of grief for a person I desired to be. My sheltered dreams seem unattainable. Life is more about everyone else than me.
Without loyalty and respect in the center of all actions, you are not practicing self-reliance or independence. Without those essential parts, you are practicing selfishness.
I never intended to lose myself as I found myself, but I believe that's what happened. I gained insight into one part of me while losing the other.
I look back, and a wasted dream comes to mind. However, what if God's perfect timing was after I endured the crazy bumps of life. Every piece of my story speaks to the strength and power of my Savior.
In a few days, you have to leave for half the year. Tonight, it hit me hard. Our long nights snoring side by side, you on the chair and ottoman and me on the couch, are coming to an end.
You're not a failure. Never forget that.
I get it now. Life is a constant flow of energy. We breathe in God's love, and we pass it on to others. The endless waterfall is fueled by Him and not by us.