Chasing disappointments that have plagued me for years now, I am somber. There is a sense of grief for a person I desired to be. My sheltered dreams seem unattainable. Life is more about everyone else than me.
Without loyalty and respect in the center of all actions, you are not practicing self-reliance or independence. Without those essential parts, you are practicing selfishness.
I never intended to lose myself as I found myself, but I believe that's what happened. I gained insight into one part of me while losing the other.
I look back, and a wasted dream comes to mind. However, what if God's perfect timing was after I endured the crazy bumps of life. Every piece of my story speaks to the strength and power of my Savior.
In a few days, you have to leave for half the year. Tonight, it hit me hard. Our long nights snoring side by side, you on the chair and ottoman and me on the couch, are coming to an end.
You're not a failure. Never forget that.
I get it now. Life is a constant flow of energy. We breathe in God's love, and we pass it on to others. The endless waterfall is fueled by Him and not by us.
Human nature. It is a description of characteristics on thinking, feeling, and behaving, a phrase, and often an excuse for bad behavior. Today, I am leaning into the excuse part. I have a battered past. Both colorful and very black and white, it defines the road that made me who I am today. By my …
Then, she guessed my age, "What are you, almost 40?" (Bless her little heart!)
"Well, a bit past 40."
"Oh, then, it's time. Isn't it fun. Once you hit 40, things go downhill."
I don't want to be this person. This early aging woman. I don't know how to change this trajectory, or how to embrace it.