Chasing disappointments that have plagued me for years now, I am somber. There is a sense of grief for a person I desired to be. My sheltered dreams seem unattainable. Life is more about everyone else than me.
Then, she guessed my age, "What are you, almost 40?" (Bless her little heart!)
"Well, a bit past 40."
"Oh, then, it's time. Isn't it fun. Once you hit 40, things go downhill."
I found peace through this challenging phase of life. I'm amazed at the level of peace I achieved. The term 'pressing into Jesus' took on an intentional meaning in my life.
Am I willing to accept the flirting, and affection, and intimacy knowing I remain the other woman? Because that is what I am setting myself up to do.
As my son made his way to 18, I thought it was all coming to an end. As though my status as mom would be revoked and I had to apply for a new one.
I will wake up, I will forget things, and I will probably get lost in the parking lot. I feel somewhat lost on the inside most days, anyhow. A part of me appears to be quietly slipping away. I do not always recognize myself with the many changes taking place.
I'm beginning to see that whatever title life gives me, God has given me the strength, courage, ability and motivation to be just that. I don't get to be one without still being the other.
Oh the joy of aging. We look up and down in the mirror. Somethings look down and keep looking down, hello gravity!
They may not realize how harsh and insensitive they are, or maybe I don’t realize how sensitive and irrational I am being, but there’s a bit of a conflict in this relationship!