As life took on a normalcy that just isn’t normal, I felt like things were a bit out of control. Work, home, hospital-every other day..Weekend visits, and long nights of worrying and wondering and just not knowing.
All my energy poured into praying for a little girl fighting to survive the odds. Day after day, week after week and finally month after month, she seemed to be flying through brilliantly. Aside from a couple health issues that will be monitored, she was doing great.
Then on one of my visits, they suddenly tell me that there are problems with her eyes. Apparently due to the oxygen she had to be on, the vessels grew to fast, causing a possible separation of her retinas.
Though not fully separated yet, she has to be monitored closely, “if she progresses at all, she needs immediate surgery to correct it.”
If we hesitate, she will be blind.
I was stunned. I looked at her nurse and said, ok. I laid my hands over this precious baby’s eyes, and I prayed healing over them. I sat alone with her in the rocking chair and just watched her and held her, and loved her so much. Tears slowly began to fall from my eyes. I hadn’t cried much up to this point, but the flood gates opened. I thought, how amazing my God is, because in my arms sits one of His miracles, and it will be ok.
Each week she passed her eye exam. We were told that she may need exams up to 5 years old. She may have glasses in the next year. Or maybe, Nana says, “She may be fine, or she will be fine with corrective lens..”
I watched my daughter very scared at the thought of Harlee Rae not being able to see. To me, she looked like a little girl again, and as she started to cry, I realized that I’m still a mom, and no matter how frustrated Ashley makes me, how many times I don’t get her, I’m still her mom. I still love her, even when we don’t agree, even when she doesn’t like what I say. We have made it through many obstacles together. I have watched her succeed and fail. I have watched her work hard, and slack off. I watched her laugh, and cry. It was hard to let go and let her do things her way. Most of the time I’m still fighting for what I believe would be best. Either it is a parent thing or a Lisa thing, but I don’t give up. I’m still a mom.
I’m now a Nana. Whether I was ready, old enough, or knowledgeable enough, it came. Nana’s work full time, and still raise their own 14 year old kids! Nana’s will work all day, run home to do home stuff (though I hate cooking now), and then spend three hours late at night at a hospital with her newest grand baby. Nana’s will have sleepover’s with her lil’ man so mom can spend the night at the hospital. Nana’s teach, read, play, discipline, and keep learning every day from the little precious grand babies in their life.
I’m beginning to see that whatever title life gives me, God has given me the strength, courage, ability and motivation to be just that. I don’t get to be one without still being the other. I guess at some point, I thought this parenting thing changes, moves to a different level? I don’t know, maybe it does when your kids reach their 30’s?? My older ones are in their 20’s still! With the many things my kids call me for, and share with me, the things I have to help with, the worry that fills my mind even though I’m not supposed to worry, I see that many things stay the same.
You don’t get to be qualified before you become a mother, and you don’t get to be qualified before you become a Nana..you just have to change and become…