Lost & Found-Boobs, Coos, and Gravity Blues

While I am still young and active and always on the go, I realize that 40 is around the corner, and with 40 comes many things…I feel some distant part of life will be behind me.

Am I wiser?

More organized(no), prettier, uglier, fatter, thinner, shorter (yes)?

I read an article the other day that said women my age have to stop doing a few things and start doing a few other things..like don’t wear eyeliner and mascara on the bottom of your eye. So, I tried it. I thought I looked dead and half my eye looked like it was missing. It said that as we age, we can no longer pull off the straight, long, silky hair..My hair has been layered forever- was that a 40 and over thing? Did I miss the boat on age appropriateness living? When did they start dictating the how to’s of aging?

Oh the joy of aging. We look up and down in the mirror. Somethings look down and keep looking down, hello gravity! When I was younger, I desperately wished I could afford plastic surgery, here and there, and back then, I thought every where! Bigger boobs, smaller nose, trimmer tummy! I learned a while ago, bigger boobs are a pain and make the rest of me look bigger too! If only I could..if only..if only.. I thought I needed this and a little of that..

Never satisfied, I think we miss so much along the way..

I am now a Nana!! Nanny..Nana-Bell..Zaiden calls, and I hear his sweet, tender voice say I love you, and I melt. None of those issues matter. Soon, Harlee Rae will be hollaring “Nanny, come and get me…” and I will tell her- Ok, see you Saturday!! I will load Zaiden in one seat and Harlee Rae in the other, and they will come spend the night. Demanding to be outside, read books, get a sippy, take a bath, color, watch Mickey, and we all just do whatever their little minds think up!

Harlee Rae is now 7 months old. The time has flown by. Though she remains in a struggle to gain weight, she only weighs 10 pounds, she is a delight, and doing well. She talks with coos and laughs, she is even beginning to make it clear she wants you to pick her up! She is our little Miracle! I can’t believe that she once was 1 pound and I could see through her delicate, paper thin skin. She couldn’t use a bottle, or cry. She was given such low odds of survival, and yet, here she is, the biggest survivor! How blessed we are to have her in our lives and watch as she defies the odds and sets the scene for her dramatic, adventure filled life to come! Zaiden loves his sister, and I relish every minute. I know, that in just a few short months, the fighting will begin. The tug of war between toys and blankets. My apples are my life, my life is about my family.

So as 40 approaches, I let go of thoughts of gravity, and that it’s truly not just a major motion picture! I let go of image issues, and desires of buying the better me. Today, on this very day, I just focus on my family and being here for them and being love, in whatever capacity is appropriate at the time. My son is engaged, and thinking of buying his first home. How did I get here? Where did 40 years go? I wonder where did my life go?

I realize, it is right here.

This world I am surrounded in- of kids growing up, grand babies being born, marriage making it through…it’s about family in the end. My life has been spent loving and sharing, fighting, compromising, shaking my head, laughing so hard I pee my pants (something that is becoming a little to frequent lately) and crying.

My life hasn’t been dictated by numbers in age, or height or bra size, not even by IQ- because I’ve learned, common sense doesn’t come with a number and love can’t be love with conditions. Emotions rise and fall with the tides, happiness comes and goes.

I am sitting here today waiting..for what, I wont share right now. I am thinking of so many things, but the best thoughts are just that I love life, I love the laughs, the memories-all of them, good or bad. I love my family. I know that 40 is just another new decade to enjoy a whole new set of circumstances, moments and miracles!!


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