Lost & Found- The Unwanted Change

We all remain unsure of what tomorrow will bring. However, my tomorrows continue to toss me into this mad world of menopause, which feels out of control and bordering insanity at times.

It all started a year ago- and girl, I’m young! So imagine my utter shock to hear those overwhelming words of doom. Imagine my disdain for the poor doctor who delivered them! It was not her fault, but the look on my face alone made her apologize and, uncomfortably, shift in her seat. Shame on me, I know. Hey, I am not perfect.

Here I sit a year later, experiencing life anew with every breath I take. Yesterday I was pulling into a parking lot while on the phone with my mother. I parked, hung up, and began my shopping. Upon leaving the grocery store, I could not find my car.

Literally- I…couldn’t..remember..parking..my..car.

I felt heat begin to rise, and a familiar panic in my chest. After frantic search efforts, I pulled out my trusty fob and began to push the lock button until I was three rows over and could see me lights flash and my horn irritatingly beep. The people in the parking lot, curiously watching me roam back and forth, must have giggled. I undoubtedly looked silly before I thought to use the super button. What’s a girl to do?

It is early morning; the chill has me considering the fact that I have become an avid coffee drinker. Never, in my adult life, did I require this cup of warm caffeine-until now. I have found myself unusually exhausted by one o’clock that I have incorporated this evil drink into my morning routine. Why is it evil? That morning when something goes terribly wrong, and I do not have access to coffee, I fear the person I will become. Its control is evil. I have witnessed you crazy people who go without coffee!

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In the end, life goes on. I will wake up, I will forget things, and I will probably get lost in the parking lot. I feel somewhat lost on the inside most days, anyhow. A part of me appears to be quietly slipping away. I do not always recognize myself with the many changes taking place. I fail to find the words to communicate to my own husband how I feel and what this new life is like. How can he possibly understand? I sit in wonder at all we women go through. At times, I admit, it seems horribly unfair. I have to let go of feelings of resentment or fear at the upcoming unknown. To live with that on my mind is a terrible waste of valuable time. My dear friends, time is all I have. We can use it to stumble through sadness or to carry on valiantly, and complete the work the Lord provides.

I choose to be wise. I choose Jesus.

I remain loved by God, and am still his beautiful treasure. This change will never change that.

~Lisa

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