I went through the winter with a bit of sea sickness. The thrashing about in the waves of bipolar became unbearable. There is no dopamine to steady the insides, all I had was my own breathing and techniques for thought control.
As I entered into calmer seas this spring, I became acutely aware of the misplaced turmoil now sitting within. The oder from the emotional stench was nauseating. At times I can still feel the motion of rocking up and down in the base of my gut, or in the depths of my chest. Anxiety riddles my interior; more breathing is often required.
There has been a steady climb for awhile now. The bottom of the pit is far behind me. I victoriously battled the demons there, and I carry that win, along with the scars, as a cape on my back. When we see a cape flying and hands folded on hips, we are usually seeing a hero. I am my own hero, through humble actions.
My ultimate victory didn’t come from wielding swords. No, my victory came through complete surrender. On my knees was my stance, and tears fell like a bitter storm. I am a better being for it.
The term ‘Jesus Saves‘ has multiple meanings for those batting mental illness. Our salvation comes in Christ alone, so does my survival. After 30 years of fighting bipolar, I see clearly the impact this relationship with Christ has in my life and in my mental health.
I am deeply grateful for His presence- in the fullness and the brokenness of my life.
I pray you are doing ok. Either in the rolling seas, or planted on dry, calm, land. If you need someone to talk to, a prayer, I am here..-Lisa