I cried twice today. While that may not seem like a big deal to you, it reminds me that I have feelings, emotions and it is still ok to release them every now and then.
Jesus wept. (John 11:35)
This was when Lazarus, whom Jesus loved, had died, and all were grieving his loss. The other is when he wept over the loss of Jerusalem, and the future that was coming over that city.
The point is.. Jesus wept.
He hurt with those hurting and he hurt for those who were lost and in that pain, he wept. He cried in anguish, tears fell from his eyes. While Jesus was fully God, he was fully man, and man weeps.
Tonight I find comfort in knowing that the King of Kings wasn’t afraid to express himself in this way. I have to be honest, I’ve been afraid to shed some of my own tears. If I cry a little, it may just lead to crying a lot. I do not want to cry anymore.
I have poured my own Niagara Falls of tears out on many occasions- too many to list, so it is not that I have never cried. As the years passed, I felt the inner fatigue that no longer had the energy to deal with the outer destruction around me. So I just stopped certain behaviors- crying was one of them.
So tonight, as I shed some of those tears I thought had dried up, I can rejoice in knowing that Jesus understands that fatigue, he understands my pain, and he understands the tears of joy, he understands my emotions- and yes, he fully understands the flood as the dam was released, and those wet drops began to fall.
I am guessing he is smiling from above and saying, “There you go, sweetheart, let it out..” just like a daddy would do for his little girl needing that release. Moreover, just as I would be safe in his arms to cry away, it is a blessing to know that I was equally safe in the room I was in, to cry away.
Maybe, at this late hour, I am writing all this because I am overwhelmed by this fact. I have found a room of disciples, who love me enough and have given me the very space I’ve needed for a long time to do something as simple as … cry.