Lost & Found-Before I Cross the Road

My son came home yesterday excited that his boss was offered a job in Alaska- and he would go in a heartbeat. I sat there dumbfounded, thinking, “You are only a baby, my baby.”

How did we get here?

I have marched to this place for a few years now. I knew it was coming but I still cannot find the strength to be here. I find myself caught between the world of optimistic and pessimistic all at once. I stumble from controlled calm to fluttering chaos.

Yesterday I considered the fact that I am smack dab in the middle of my life. I have now been a parent way longer than I was a child (having children very young does that). I have had long conversations with God about what comes next and how to do that. I am still waiting for His direction. For now, I keep moving forward in what I know. Many things are coming to an end, but the life that I live does not.

When I started this blog series, I was completely convinced that my daily routine would change to something unrecognizable because my mother duties would drastically evolve into the unfamiliar. Today, I am keenly aware that nothing has really changed at all. I still have my home, my job, my chores, and my hobbies. I managed to transition from one type of mother to another, even if some days were hard.

Now comes the reminiscing of the last 28 years as a mother. I day dream often of little babies in my arms, little feet taking their first steps, first days of school and last days of school. I remember the joys and pains of parenting children through their few years under my care. It was a privilege and an honor to love each one. I pray they know that. I pray they know many things.

Parenting is a gift that far too many take for granted. There is purpose in each day and a plan through the years. God gave us this incredible gift to love our children, on the good days and the bad. He knew there would be bad days- that’s why He gave us Jesus!

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV)

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

I used to read this verse to remember there is a point to all the rules and the consequences, it was my responsibility, and the result is what matters. Then one day I realized the verse meant to encourage the parent was also the reminder in my own life that encouraged me, the child. Parenting was one lesson after another for my personal growth and wisdom.

I never had it figured out, I never will.

I understand, however, the importance of learning along the way, and loving through it all.  I understand that while I walked most of these years in complete confusion, God would one day wrap it all in a bow of clarity and place it in the middle of my heart. I can hear his tender whisper now,

“See…this is why, this is how, and the time was always perfect.”

I pray wherever you are along the road of parenting, that you have peace that God is there with you, and for you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s