Addiction doesn’t change a parent’s love- it eventually instigates the need to form livable boundaries. Not against the person fighting their strongholds, but for you, the person who can’t control how people lost in addiction choose to live or recover.
Parents want to fix their child’s missteps- they want to save them from their mistakes because, usually, those consequences involving substance use are LIFE-CHANGING or ENDING.
It takes a long time for parents to realize there’s no control and they’re not a savior. It may take years for them to stop enabling addiction behaviors with their hope of helping and thinking they show their love by stepping into spaces they never should be in.
Today, we hear that connection is the best way. But don’t be ashamed or feel guilty when that connection is minimal. My communication dwindled to texts, then infrequent texts. Now, there’s silence.
After a lengthy trial through addiction, distance may provide the opportunity to heal from the trauma. Many people don’t realize the outbursts, violence, and fear you, as a parent or family member, lived through. During active recovery, the doors may open once again, but base that decision on your newfound livable boundaries.
I found myself holding back often. I listened and encouraged. I needed, and oh, I wanted, to voice my truth, but I respected their condition and the need for healing. When the moment is right, my heart speaks with gentle firmness to express my feelings and opinions.
Connection in active addiction is individual to us all, depending on the situation. You don’t deserve abuse of any kind. You don’t deserve the on-and-off contact that we experience with our loved ones, sitting around wondering if they are dead or alive. But this is the reality some face.
Through your recovery from their addiction, you evolve. When the time comes that your loved one is radio silent, you cope with the resiliency you’ve built. You don’t go through the same emotions daily that you did at the beginning. You can function again through the pain. Their addiction no longer holds you hostage.
I suppose they can suggest your heart gets a bit hardened to the possibilities as you accept their choices and the outcomes of chronic substance use, which are jail, treatment, or death.
But in my experience, which I have over a decade of, it’s not a hardened heart that helps me get through the toughest experiences of my life. No. It is the grace of God that allows me the space to feel all the emotions of this horrific life without condemnation or judgment. When you don’t fear reality, you don’t become hard; you become wise.
Whether or not we have a connection to our loved one during active addiction, our love never changes. Even in silence, we still love our children always and forever.
No matter what.
♥️Lisa
#hope #love #mindset #wellness #motivation #inspiration #addiction #addictionrecovery #recovery
Lisa @ Authentic Truths 