As I sat waiting to pick up my grandson from youth group, I looked up at the church they were meeting at and at the crosses above.
On the radio was a special song, “You’re Gonna Be Okay.”
That song was the last one I sang to my loved one. I recorded myself singing and sent it to encourage and remind her who she was and who God was- her everything. Her light, strength, hope, healer.
One of the lines is, “Remember, you are a fighter, a fighter.” It fits perfectly!
She thanked me and cried.
I don’t sing; correction, I can’t sing.
I did my best and hoped those words would change things. But all the words in the world can’t fix this. I learned I can’t force anyone to see themself as I see them. I can’t force them to want what I want for them or choose what I would choose. I couldn’t convince anyone of their worth. Or that they were the royal children of God- forgiven, redeemed, loved, and chosen.
There’s really only one reason my words fell on deaf ears- Satan used the world and it was screaming louder than me. Darkness had the full attention of someone who believed she was broken. I began pouring these truths into her being at an early age, but still, there was this underlying “I’m not good enough” tension.
I’ll never understand.
Like many parents out there, I am tired.
I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of the sting in my heart at an unknown number on my phone. I’m tired of waking up at 1, 2, 3, and 4 am and checking for missed calls. Even though I intentionally turn on ‘Do Not Disturb.” I’m tired of fanning through memories of what was, not knowing if there will ever be more. I’m tired of seeing liquor stores on every corner, pot shops in every town, and police cars. Because there is pain tied to each one.
I want every person battling addiction to know they’re going to be okay!
They can fight.
They can choose help.
They can live the life they deserve.
That’s all for now. ♥️Lisa
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