Loving those who love an addict.
What people don’t know they can’t understand. I can’t tell a pilot how to fly, a surgeon how to cut, or a sniper how to shoot. You can’t tell a parent how to parent through unique addiction journey’s.
Parents become professionals in many capacities, and this one isn’t anything you mount on a wall or place on a desk. It is often hidden, shamed, and plagued with guilt and wondering ‘what did I do wrong?’
Love looks different as addiction takes hold. What we know as basic parenting has to be changed and redefined.
As we evolve, we learn to love where our loved ones are and not where we pray, hope, wish, cry and worry them to be- recovery is all we want and waiting is excruciating.
Letting go and letting God takes on a whole new meaning that others cannot understand (and we are so glad you don’t).
Please don’t leave your friends in this position to suffer alone. Don’t be afraid to call and ask how they are and PLEASE ask how their child is, OUR CHILDREN MATTER! It may be bad news but feeling free and accepted enough to share the journey brings tremendous relief. You might have to listen to more than you want, but sit quietly and LISTEN. We know you are angry about the situation, we are too, we don’t need to be reminded of that part. Addiction behavior isn’t rational and is selfish because it only wants one thing- a high.
Don’t get offended when your friend monopolizes the conversation with their ‘bad’ news, just know you might be helping to keep them sane and moving forward. It gets wearing, and on behalf of all parents, I apologize in advance. We know it’s a hard task to stand beside us, we know it isn’t easy to continue to listen to the same stories, but we appreciate you!
Please don’t turn away! Too many parents hold it all in and stop talking because they feel like such a burden as the cycle repeats for months or years, or decades. They know when others are sick of hearing about it. We are not looking for your advice, just that consistent love and patience through it all.
I’m not one to fear sharing on my terms, but so many parents are. They’ve been judged and shunned, their kid is laughed at, ridiculed, and shamed out of ignorance.
Addiction is hard for all and this community needs your support. Please.
If you need someone to talk to, reach out. I’m always here.