A couple of years ago, I set out to write my story. With no experience in writing in a formal capacity, I decided to make it a nonfiction piece. Within a few chapters, I experienced PTSD and forced myself to stop. I knew if I kept writing, I would open the door to devastation in bipolar. It was a chance I was unwilling to take.
I threw myself into blogging. I wasn’t consistent, but I was open and honest in small doses. I only write what I can handle at the moment. Some days it is dark, other days shallow but intentional. As I poured myself out to the masses, I began healing in ways I never imagined. Not only could I write my journey, I began speaking it. The confidence was surprising. It is easy to be confident when the reality is within your memories.
Considering the next level of a book, I ponder readiness. Will I be able to get it out this time with a steady mind and heart? Once you put the pieces of the past out there in small sections, is it possible to lay out the entire story? Am I capable of completing this life-long dream?
A few months ago, I heard a clear message from God. I had a social media platform with over 20,000 followers (though algorithms limited my reach). It’s still a great start. Then, God said this,
“Get rid of it.”
I thought that was crazy. I worked to build that audience. I heard it again and again. So, I deleted it. After five years of trying so hard to figure this out, it’s gone. This morning the page is gone. I knew I had to be obedient because God has destined me to write and speak on merging mental health and faith. The two things, when combined, people are resistant to accept. Now, I dedicate social media to Bipolar Disorder awareness, it was always strongest on my heart.
God has bigger plans for me than what I planned for myself. I believe I am finally ready to accept the challenge. If He believes I can accomplish this difficult task, then I can.
It’s time for me to believe in me.