Daylight saving time just changed our clocks back, but I am wide awake. My chest feels tight, connecting the same sensation down to my gut. My mind is swirling in worry, and thoughts I am unable to calm down. I feel a slight restriction in my throat. Sleep was difficult last night.
I have reason for this bout of anxiety; a little drama unfolded yesterday with adult children and their exes, and threats were made. He is a violent man with a violent past. The drug addiction often leads him to this behavior. He is facing charges for that behavior, thus, the threats.
The anxiety began around 1:00 am. I woke up to see brake lights illuminated on my ceiling. With the way my home sits, only a car in our circle driveway would do that. By the time I reached the window in the dining room, I had found no sign of a vehicle.
After that, anxiousness settled in.
I began deep breathing. I am unable to use my headphones as I need to listen for anything. I know our cameras are on, and we arm ourselves. However, the thoughts are what trouble me. Reigning them in is my specialty. I have failed tonight. As I continue to work on this, I realize I asked for prayer but never prayed myself.
Do you believe in Satan? I do. I’ve come face to face with the darkness of the devil, so I take him seriously. Learning from my past, I know the first thing he wants to stop is my communication with God. Prayer transforms your mind, which releases things like anxiety-driven thoughts. Satan loses control when we choose God.
Though I know this, here I sit. Overwhelmed by the stress and worry, I needed this time to remember. God is for me, but to share in his power, we have to share ourselves with him. He responds as we press in through our mess and the anxieties we face.
I’m not afraid, but the response of this guy showing up weighs on my mind. I tolerated so much as a child, I refuse to tolerate much now, and I carry myself in a way that suggests ‘don’t mess with me.’ This unrelenting power came from God. If he filled me with confidence like that, then he can supply me with control over my anxiety-prone tendencies.
This is life in Christ. Fighting battles with the ultimate weapon, while hoisting a white flag of surrender to self. I am all in. Living in this world is about Christ in me, and some days we need that reminder.