The year is 2014. Called to the home of my child, who is involved in a domestic disturbance, I was confused and bewildered. I arrive with the police on-site, trying to calm down an escalated situation. We remove her out of the home for the night. She decides to return the next day. Everyone is sorry, and all forgotten, until next time.
The year is 2015. Called to the same situation, with the same circumstances, and the same outcome, I believe this must be a bad dream.
The year is 2016. The repeat plays again.
The same happens in 2017, 2018, and now again in 2019. All incidences occur between July and September. They all involve substance abuse of some kind. We’ve had a broken, no crushed hand, bruised face, neck, arms, and legs. There has been mental health treatment, substance abuse treatment, NA, AA, counseling, and pills to stop pills (someday, someone will have to explain how this process works).
Today, I admitted something out loud-I am exhausted. The tug on my heart is more than I can bear. To withstand more of the same is beyond my ability.
So, I trust in God. He is all I’ve got in my corner. Many have given up, stepped away, or loved from afar. Not me. I stay, finding that balance between support and enable, help where I can, and how I can. God is my strength, and he knows I’ve depleted my energy. I now live numb and distant. I cannot understand addiction. Making the same. Choices after trouble with the law, multiple hospital stays, and the same scenario baffles me.
When I think of the same, I close my eyes and rewind the last few years. It is the same routine, and I hope it ends. May this become an old black and white that never appears On Demand, forever locked in the vaults of bad memories.
I will settle to never live on repeat again. This same story gets old.