Bipolar Life- The Journal, #9

This week sucked. My health has taken a toll from ‘stress’. Not going to lie, I feel silly even saying that. Who knew stress can impact your entire physical makeup? From blood sugar to blood pressure to inflammation to digestive issues… It keeps coming. Woke up in pain from Fibromyalgia. Head to toe, I ache right now.

My good friend told me yesterday I was the poster child for stress. She’s known me over 20 years, knows every detail of my life before then, so she knows of what she speaks. I’d rather be a poster child for survival, forgiveness, compassion, a giving heart, or love. Oh Father, let me be a poster child for love!

Usually, I can manage my stress much better than I have recently. However, I seem to be failing today. I’ve done deep breathing, prayer, ate well this week, stretching, massage therapy, guided meditation, and my personal release- writing. Nothing is helping. In fact, I feel the anxiety daily escalating. Just when I release it, something comes up to increase it.

My husband offered to send me on a weekend getaway, alone. I declined. I figure my mind will only be focused on what is going on at home and I will return to the circumstances on Sunday. Getting away is not the answer for me, at this time.

So, why is this a struggle? You see, I trust God for everything in my life. Everything. He provided a parking spot at the airport the other day! One time, when walking through the neighborhood, the wind became so strong that we had debris flying in our face and were being pushed backward. I called on God to stop the wind, and He did.

God can do anything. He can move mountains in the face of the faithless. He can rescue the broken before they’ve cried out. He can save the life of a one pound baby born three and a half months early. Twice. God is faithful. He’s always been, He will always be.

So why have so many pushed Him away? Why has this world turned to an empty world instead of turning to a fulfilling God?
Hopeless faces surround me. Negative energy is real! I’m not one for ‘vibes’, but now I see Satan uses the inner being of the hurting. He plays with their emotions and minds, tangling them up in confusion and sadness. That game he plays so well in their lives, is sucking me in and tearing me apart.

You don’t want to say that about those you love. But when they aren’t fighting back, he gets stronger. The lightening strikes are throwing flares of currents directly at me. So now, with the strength of a Mighty God, I must fight back. I feel so far from God because each strike has pushed me away, one step at a time. God hasn’t moved, I have.

I will be taking this field back now. Be gone Satan.

<unedited, authentic>

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