In the hopes of being authentic, I am going to go out on a limb here and trust in the love and grace of God’s children to understand where I am about to go.
I have made it part of my personal ministry to share the gift of release on numerous occasions- typically in my brand of speeches it would pertain to hurts of the past, current anxiety struggles, depression and other mental illness topics- but today, on this particular day, I find it to be a struggle to say the word out loud. That is how God works, right? When we least want to confront our painful truth, He finds a way to bring it to the forefront and face it head on.
I have spent the last few years tangled in this web of chaos that I did not spin. I have held on and released parts of this on many occasions. For reasons I cannot fathom, the person instigating this web just keeps it going. Many in my family said ‘enough’ and removed themselves from the sticky situation long ago- as the parent, I have yet to find the way to do the same. With each escalated encounter, I have begun to feel the fatigue and weight that I have failed to release.
I am fully aware of the scriptures available to me to help through this situation, I have read them to myself over and over, listened to them on my headphones, and wrote them out several times- still this fight goes on.
How do we release ourselves from the powerful hold of addiction in another’s life? It is his or her stronghold, not ours, but you see, it is our child, not anyone else’s. You fight to help without becoming this enabling extension in their web. My heart hurts, my mind rolls constantly to thoughts I wrestle to control.
I know I can release this completely, but sometimes it takes time. I have not turned away from God, or stopped trusting Him; on the contrary, my only refuge in this storm is Jesus Christ. Saturated with fears and anguish to the core of my being, my release comes every day as I share the truths of my heart with Him.
As I release this open dialogue with a God who loves me so deeply, I release the days sorrow, and for now, that is enough. When I release my inabilities to the care of God’s abilities, and ask that question, “What can I do, Lord.” I hear back one thing- just love.
In all this mess, the one thing I can do is love.