A woman is typically already critical of herself, long before someone has had the chance to come in and give her even more reason to overly criticize. Ya, I’m talking about the vain review of my outer self. I know, I know, we should all be happy with the skin we’re in, be proud of our bodies, and be secure in what the good Lord has provided… I get it.
Unfortunately, for the majority of women, this doesn’t happen. I truly pray for a day I can be that secure, confidant, and carefree woman.
While I’m enjoying my journey through the crossroads, I stumbled upon my reflection.
I have to admit, I haven’t studied her in a long time. When I stopped and looked, I see new creases in places that were once smooth, and eyes that look a little saggier. (I won’t mention where else things may be saggy, ha!) My hair has begun to frizz in small sections. I even seem shorter!
This is aging. This is where I’m at. I used to be confidant, and aside from a couple things I would have changed back in my twenties, I thought I was- ok. I was never model material, but I felt good about myself. Over the years, that slowly began to fade. It doesn’t take much for us to be stripped of layers that build up our self-esteem. One remark here, one devastating thing there..and before we know it, we are nearing or are at middle age, and not only do we cringe at the sight of a mirror, but ever so slowly, some of us begin to never see our reflection at all.
We choose to see right past it. Ignore ourselves in a way. I never got to the point of not caring, but I know it happens. I know people can ultimately give up, so to speak.
I have a face. And maybe that face isn’t the brightest anymore. Maybe it’s not anything it once was, but it’s mine. I’ve neglected to see my reflection for years. I’ve neglected to look deeply into my own eyes and see the beauty there. I have beautiful, brown eyes. There, I said it. I paid myself a compliment. What’s even more fascinating these days, is that behind the brown eyes, I see joy. Not joy in the shape or color of my eyes, but joy that radiates further than my reflection can show. A joy deep down to the depths of my soul.
This is where the brilliance of light is. Behind my tired eyes, behind the pain that has implanted itself physically into this area of my body, light still shines through. When I look at my reflection, I see it. I may have to look a little deeper some days, but it’s there. That’s God living in me. That’s the tender, mighty beauty of being a believer. I may be aged, wrinkled, frizzy, saggy, and plumper, but I’m beautiful.
Yes, I’m beautiful. And the beauty I now encounter has nothing to do with skin, weight, or gray hair. It has to do with something I can’t explain. Something that carries me and makes me confidant, that ignites fire in my heart, that challenges me to stand taller and love deeper..love me deeper.
Jesus.. only Jesus.
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