I don't want to be this person. This early aging woman. I don't know how to change this trajectory, or how to embrace it.
I spent some time with God, and took this tranquil time to be in some deep thought about many things. Sometimes, when we feel lost, God opens the doors to see the reality that we are just in a different time of life, and that time is valuable and necessary. Surrounded by silence was exactly where God needed me to be.
They may not realize how harsh and insensitive they are, or maybe I don’t realize how sensitive and irrational I am being, but there’s a bit of a conflict in this relationship!
While the many hours of training were meant to train me in the many aspects of Christian caring, they also provided me with much insight and an in depth understanding of myself. It opened doors to accept who I am, challenge myself to be assertive in areas I’ve never been, and to love myself from within.
I won’t continue to feel beat up by a past that hurt me, ridiculed me, took advantage of me, shamed me and tossed me away. I will not hold back the gentle truth, no matter how harsh it is. I will not give up on people simply because they choose to give up on me. I will not be that person...
Little by little, the lack of passion went unnoticed, and within a few years, when passion no longer became my priority, another new ‘me’ emerged. She wasn’t adorned with fire and thrill. Nope. What I wore looked more like something I’d call ‘content’.
I have to admit, I haven’t studied her in a long time. When I stopped and looked, I see new creases in places that were once smooth, and eyes that look a little saggier. (I won’t mention where else things may be saggy, ha!) My hair has begun to frizz in small sections. I even seem shorter!
Many people who know me, know I’m a self-admitted airhead. Why do I call myself that? Well, no matter how hard I try, I have more ‘duh’ moments than I care to admit! It’s just a part of who I am. I was once told I was quirky- I’m still not sure if that was a compliment.
..Words like adultery and divorce had made their way into the circle. Her kids were acting out, and that seemed to pose some sort of inconvenience to the group