She'll smile a lie, and grin away the truth, In a shattered display, disguised for you.
For years, I was abused. My nights were terrorized, and my days were haunted by evil. I was threatened into silence, and feared for the life of those I loved the most.
Though I experienced trauma, I chose to not live traumatized.
I used to think "Why did God allow this." Evil wants nothing to do with God, and we have free will in this world. Combine evil with free will, and you get evil acts.
...You have no power here. Your threats no longer ring through my ears. Your sick tales from the war bring about prayer for your other victims across the sea, not fear of you. I am a grown woman of God, and you have nothing, no place, in my life. I am free....
A story of love in adoption from a two-sided perspective.
I moved through time with the reminder of his evil touch. The fear and anger of unwanted touch and ugly memories so triggering, I chose to hold them deep in my silent self. I sauntered as a woman scorned to one therapist after another, always sharing just enough but never close to all.
As an abused child, I stayed locked behind the bars my abuser erected for the keeping. I held on tight to those bars in hopes they would protect me. Their true purpose was to contain me. The darkness I felt then, I feel now.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. And you do not get to water down what that means. I was a child threatened, held down, forced, ridiculed, mentally tortured, and verbally assaulted for power. I experienced fear, hate and a longing for love all within a second of time. I tried to be good, …
The barrier I struggled to face was not about the abuse, the abuser, or anything really related to those many years of torture. The barrier was one I erected, one I had to be willing to confront and to tear down- one block at a time- it was- “Jesus, why did you leave me?”