A story of love in adoption from a two-sided perspective.
I moved through time with the reminder of his evil touch. The fear and anger of unwanted touch and ugly memories so triggering, I chose to hold them deep in my silent self. I sauntered as a woman scorned to one therapist after another, always sharing just enough but never close to all.
As an abused child, I stayed locked behind the bars my abuser erected for the keeping. I held on tight to those bars in hopes they would protect me. Their true purpose was to contain me. The darkness I felt then, I feel now.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. And you do not get to water down what that means. I was a child threatened, held down, forced, ridiculed, mentally tortured, and verbally assaulted for power. I experienced fear, hate and a longing for love all within a second of time. I tried to be good, …
The barrier I struggled to face was not about the abuse, the abuser, or anything really related to those many years of torture. The barrier was one I erected, one I had to be willing to confront and to tear down- one block at a time- it was- “Jesus, why did you leave me?”
We are the faces that only we see in a crowd. United by actions I won't repeat now. Family in seclusion, individually colored in every hue. Desiring to be normal, and feel more like you.
Secrets have escaped the dungeons. Once a prisoner far below the surface for her entire life, the chains were broken and the bars removed, and the dark whispers of the past are out. The secrets have found their way into the present.
The battle for ownership of
A broken mind.
Missiles firing, darts flying, guns shooting
All where an eerie quiet resides.