I recently read a blog of a young lady that I have admired for years. She is the example of life I’d love to be. Yesterday, I was blessed to read another of her inspiring stories:
“The strongest women I have ever known. My mothers. I am so proud to be their daughter. So blessed to be their child. For me, these women forgot their inhibitions, forgot their own egos, forgot themselves, and gave me what my soul most needed to flourish – BOTH of them.” –Natalie Garro
She is speaking of her insight on her own adoption. There is no greater wisdom one gains than when we are the one to have experienced the events.
I was a young mother who made a decision to choose adoption for my unborn child. It was the most difficult decision in my life. There is nothing like carrying a baby in your body during pregnancy; feeling every kick, hearing a strong heartbeat, feeling every hiccup and talking to a life that slowly grows inside you.
I wish my life circumstances had been different. I wish I had believed myself to be more than I did back in those young teenage years. But abuse had taken its toll, evil’s words had firmly planted themselves in my mind as fear and doubt filled the intimate places where strength, a growing self esteem, and hope should have been.
I already had my son when I found myself pregnant again. In my heart, I always knew it was a girl. In my soul, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t want to face the inevitable, I didn’t want to be that disappointment (again) and I sought to hide from judgement. Therefore, for eight months I told no one I was pregnant. For some reason beyond me, no one asked, guessed, or noticed. For months I knew, I cried, and I loved alone. With only weeks to go until delivery, a high school teacher cornered me in a closet until I revealed the truth. From that point, life became chaos. I chose an adoption agency, I chose a family to adopt out of a stack of papers they handed me. I prayed for help on this, and back then, I didn’t pray or know God. I chose the family that spoke to me, and we met. Falling in love was easy, they were amazing.
Why did I choose adoption? Was it because I knew I was not prepared to be a mom of two? Yes. Was it because I wasn’t financially able to care for two? Yes. Above all, I wanted this little girl to be safe. While my heart had always said girl, one never knows until that baby comes out what the sex is. (ok, sometimes those ultrasounds are VERY obvious) If I had a girl, she needed to be safe. Away from abuse, away from the fear I had known since I was a very young child. I knew to my core that I was having a girl and that my decision was the best one. Even during that time I was still being abused!
I’ve endured the ridicule, the words of shame. “I would never do that!” I’ve heard the attempt at support, combined with the words of guilt, “I don’t believe in adoption, but you do what you have to do.” I’ve heard the praise, with the undertone of ‘stupid teenager, stop getting pregnant’, as well as, “What a wonderful thing you did,” (eye roll, shake of the head). I also heard the condescending remarks of the sarcastic people, “Did you figure out what causes that.”
I haven’t talked much about it with many people, only a select few, and only in depth with those I truly trust and know never judge me. People may not understand that long term sexual abuse leads down two paths- complete rejection of intimacy or complete promiscuity in searching for the lost factors of love and acceptance. For a few years in my life, I fell into the promiscuity bracket.
Adoption is about love. Love for a child. Adoption is also about trust, trust of the family you are giving your most precious gift to. Adoption is about life and believing that one life is more important than self. I chose adoption because I never could have been what she deserved. Knowing her beautiful upbringing, I still stay way as I know I could never be all they are. We keep contact, but I am lost in my role and place. I watch from afar because getting to close is the sacrifice you make as a birth mother.
“Lisa gave me Sharon. Sharon gave me Lisa. They are the two gifts more precious than anything else in the world to me. And, for me, they were the first, most noble acts of true love to ever touch my life.” –Miss Natalie Garro
Natalie is a remarkable young woman. She is filled with love! She loves people, nature, animals and activity. She loves life I am the ‘Lisa’ she is speaking of. Sharon was the woman I watched carry my little baby girl out of a hospital one day, with her wonderful and incredible husband, George, beaming with fatherly love! We are the plan that God willed and miraculously put together for Natalie, Sharon, George, and for me.
This adoption story is about one young woman’s dream and last shred of hope and another woman’s dream with an abundance of hope. More than that, it’s about the life of one child and the commitment to see that child know one thing- that she is wanted and loved by the all.
If you’d like to continue reading the full blog from Natalie, please click the link below: