Bipolar Life-The Journal #43

How can I put into words what October brings to my life. A strange phenomenon takes place, as everything inside of me begins the systematic process of mental change. As if time itself has an internal effect on me. It almost feels like a shutdown, and I need to pull the switch.

With this change, comes the knowledge of another looming season of dread. Each year, I have to choose to live with joy. I decide to take time to pray, to sing, to share, to love. I know what happens to this bipolar mind around this time of the year, but I refuse to accept the ‘same old stuff.’

I’m not interested in walking the dark road of depression again. And while the circumstances have already begun to infiltrate my life, I choose to trust God. Every year, things start to happen. September rolls in, and so does the stress. By the time October hits, I’m exhausted. In the past, I felt defeated until the winter came to an end. I need to find a way to get through the next six months.

This year, I am committing myself to stay above the waters. I commit to focus on God, who is for me, rather than all that is against me. I commit to enjoying life and exploring my strengths, rather than submit to my weaknesses. I will not take on other’s problems. I promise myself to pray, but not feel obligated to do. I choose to stay in shape, continue to write and pursue my goals, and stay connected.

I can’t have another season like all those before. I can’t allow the world to beat me down. Life tries to disarm us through trials, but it is our choice to remain clothed in Jesus, to put on the mighty armor of God.

It’s up to us to meet the challenge and trust in God. My heart believes, without a doubt, He who is in me is stronger than he who is in the world!

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