Bipolar Life- The Journal #42

“I pray you have a peaceful weekend,” he said as he left the church. My pastor, my friend, my boss. With confidence, I replied, “I doubt it, but that’s okay, I have peace right here,” as I pointed to my heart.

Who am I? Where did this calm and confidant me come from? Could it be the conversations I held with the Lord over the last year brought me to this place of content? If so, when did I get here? I woke up one day and knew peace enveloped me. Thankful but confused, I carry on in the circulating chaos. This week alone proved the unimaginable could become reality.

A prayer for strength..

Lord of my life, thank you. Thank you for your presence and your grip on my heart, mind, and life. Thank you for your timely gift of reassurance and care. Lord, I pray for strength. You provide all I need to push through the daily circumstances, but I feel tired. I pray for renewal in energy, and reminder of the simplicity that comes when our focus remains on You. Guide me in my words and help me to remain an encouragement when I feel discouraged. Lead me in your will and plan for my life. Use me where you need me and fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit to accomplish your work. My expectations are limited to complete surrender and acceptance of your will over my life, and not in false hope of anything in this world. You perfected this understanding in me, and I give you thanks. For this is where my peace comes from.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

And with one prayer I get it. That last line answered it all. I released expectations of this world and those who live in it, and live for expectation in Jesus Christ alone. Over here smiling as I type in the dark, I feel a stir in my heart. That is Christ in me. I asked and the answer was given to me as I wrote. This is peace that passes understanding, but it is not. The measure of that peace will never be fully understood. It is a part of God that we will chase our entire lifetime, because it is something we grow and learn forever in life.

I wish God would give me a glimpse into what comes next, but He won’t. That is not how faith works. We are required to trust Him through the unseen and unknown. Handing us a crystal ball would be cheating, and no faith at all. The goal is not to figure out what comes next, it is to remain at peace through what is now. I have bipolar disorder and this concept doesn’t exist in that mind. However, my mind no longer belongs to me. I handed it over with a white flag long ago. My God has transformed my mind and heart, and I live in a peace filled harmony. If the harmony is disrupted, He lovingly hits pause and reigns it back in.

Every person who believes has this opportunity to live life free from mental erosion and breakdown. Genuine surrender and trust will take you to places you never thought possible. My prayer is that you give your faith a chance. It is worth it.

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