Have you ever walked through stress, dealt with it the best you could, shared your struggles, and sought support, but felt incredibly out of place in your own conversation? You are pouring out to others, thinking you can and you should, but they seem uninterested and over hearing your ongoing tale of life.
This is how my year went.
Unfortunately, my battle went on and on, and it was a daily topic for me, but I could tell those I usually talked to were becoming tired. It was all the same issue and though time moved on for them, I was stuck right smack in the muck. You can go back on here and find examples and tips in dealing with some of those issues. I shared my journey, inspirations, ideas on surviving chaos, and my difficulties. Sharing may have been safe here, but out in life, it was not.
I get it. No one wants to hear about the same drama every day. I know I did not want to live it. With hands tied, life was set whether I chose it or not. As time went on, it was hard to find hope in a difficult situation. We were dealing with alcohol and addiction, raising grandkids, working full time, and turning our clocks back a few years to manage things. I was lost in a life I had moved away from mentally, and I had problems fighting my footing on the merry-go-round that was spinning while I kept walking. No one wanted to join me on that ride.
What do we do when our story is repetitive and moving in slow motion? I learned one lesson through it all; never stop listening with interest, love, support, and a positive perspective to anyone how needs me. Even if hope is lost, I do not need to talk to them as if it is, or mention I had no faith that change can happen. My truth is that I never give up hope and faith in my mighty God. I still believe He can move mountains, tap water from a rock, part the sea, and raise the dead. Many say they believe in His power, but I have witnessed many put limits on their faith, which limits God.
I was drowning in the waves of disappointment, anger, fear, lies, and fatigue. Some days others were pouring buckets of water on my head instead of filling them and throwing the water away from me. You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. Please, never let a loved one stay there alone.
Words matter when you are reaching out for this type of support. I rarely asked anyone to help me physically throughout my turmoil. I felt guilty of sharing my burden with others, which is a different topic. After a while, I felt guilty talking about my burdens and other feelings, too. I could feel their frustration with me. I never want anyone to think I am not open to support him or her in the supportive way that works for them. What they need from me, I hope to supply. I desire to be patient and give them the attention in their hurt, and provide the listening ear they desperately need.
Life is tricky. We have to balance so much on a plate meant to hold little. Some days there is a heaping pile of support-a-friend dumped on that plate, and I pray to have the endurance to hold it up, for one week, one month, one year, or longer if they need me. I never want anyone I love to think I don’t want to be part of their life, the good, bad, and ugly parts of life. They all matter and I vow to make sure they know.
Dedicated to Kellie Mitchel. Your love was a life raft.