I was not sure that I would have another journal so soon- I never push my writing for the masses, I simply write when inspired for the Lord and for myself.
I was up at 1:30 am. In my ears was some calming meditation piano music, but it would not be enough to overtake the spirals of thought running through my brain, or the unwelcome tightening in my chest.
Therefore, I started to pray.
Prayer is funny in this world. Many people believe in prayer, but never ‘really’ believe in prayer being answered. I believe in following through my prayer life with faith in the Mighty God who answers such prayer. When I pray, I do so with so much conviction and trust that the only thing left to do is valiantly wait for God to respond. I do not pray for my will and selfish wants, this makes awaiting the answer easy. I believe God for my future, and His perfect will in my life. While that may not always be simple, it remains my desire.
I continue to pray for those in my life who are struggling with so much. Right now, the battle is against addiction. Some days when I look in I have this overwhelming let down that the addiction is winning. Other days when we all stand up and fight, the victory is clear. The circle itself is exhausting, the emotions life changing. Nevertheless, we do not give up. I will never give up. I concluded that if stepping in and taking a stand might create some uncomfortable consequences, so be it. Life is precious to everyone except those who take advantage of it and see no beauty in it.
Even in the heart of the broken, the hardened, the lost, God has a way and a plan. His love never fails.
His love will get me through this difficult time of anxiety. His love will guide me every single day as my compass and life raft. His love will envelope the darkness that creeps in at night. His love and light are all I need, eternally.
<unedited, authentic thoughts>