I’ve met my darkest place. I traveled through some weird tunnel, that I have a faint memory of, to get there.
I was taking risks that I’d not taken in years. I was fueling myself with energy drinks to keep up with the fast pace life I was living. I was moving at a pace that would eventually bring every part of my life to a dead stop.
I made the mistake of taking on working graveyard shifts in the ER. In case you aren’t aware, sleep deprivation and bipolar aren’t close friends, as a matter of fact, I’m not sure they’re friends at all!
Slowly ‘the change’ began.
It didn’t take long before the mania and depression collided, leaving me in one of the worst states I’d ever experienced.
Locked behind doors of a mental hospital, I never felt more alone. I had messed my life up with this manic episode. My bills were being neglected, I almost lost my car! I had separated from my husband.
I hadn’t been to church in months. With the life I was living, I couldn’t go. The shame and guilt were living large in my mind. So imagine my surprise when Jesus sent church to me.
In walked a pastor and his team, just to lead us ‘crazy people’ in a worship service. Right there in the middle of the psyche wing.
I had no idea anyone cared enough to lead us in worship within these imprisoned walls of aide.
You see, even in my darkest place, God was there, and he sent some of his beloved to love a bit on me.
The words we sang..
“As the deer pants for the water,
so my soul longs after you”..
I realized I can chase many things when in a manic state, or I can long after Jesus Christ. I made a decision that day to run full force toward my Savior. Through the mania, through the depressive state, I would forever medicate myself by the power of Jesus Christ.
His love never fails. It doesn’t matter if I’m home, climbing a mountain, or in a psyche ward- His love never fails!
You can follow my bipolar journey on Facebook, just search @BipolarLife