We know the consequence can be death.
For that one reason we hold tight for years or decades. For that reason we watch every word we speak and everything we do.
Why? We can’t be their ‘trigger.’
This is life or death. And we carry the burden of consequence because we love our child. We live in fear they laugh at. Once they smell the scent of our weakness, we become the prey in this deadly game.
We pour ourselves into savior mode, but forget we’re not the Savior. Our rescue attempts are merely ammo for next time. We give control of ourselves to sick kids unable to live without one substance or the other. We enable an auto response that requires nothing of the person in addiction. We give and give in hopes our love will flow through lifeless things- cash, clothes, cell phones, cars, bills, or bail.
Love is full of breath and life. There is no love in pacifying bad behavior with bailouts and bills paid.
Our thoughts become immersed with misplaced hope. If I just do this, maybe she’ll do that. If I provide this, he will do that. And shallow prayers, if spoken at all, are filled with old helium that will never rise.
I understand many will get to a point they have no choice but to let go; but by then, they need help themselves!
It hurts deeper than anything I’ve ever felt before- because I know.
I know the consequences of addiction. All of the consequences. In order to let go, I had to accept them- no matter what. And it’s fire in an already burning pain.
But now, my surrender has brought great power. I let go and give my child to God. And this process is by far the biggest challenge of my life. I had to put God back in his place- above my children, above my thoughts, above my free-will and desire to wear a super-hero cape and save the day. He had to come before self, and now He does.
I do not know what tomorrow holds. But I promise to praise Him in the storm, be still, and know that He is God.
#selfcare #faith #treatment #addiction #sobriety #hope #recovery #detox #love #selflove #mindset #wellness #motivation
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