Five Minute Friday, “Accountability”

It has been a minute since I last took part in the writing challenge with Five Minute Friday. Life got me, folks. 

My last entry was June 2020- so if we want to talk accountability, we can. At the time, I had one adult child living at home, grieving a devastating loss due to addiction. Another was sitting in work release following addiction behaviors that led to felony assault. 

I lost myself in the fight while trying to hold them accountable. Then, I lost complete accountability in managing my life, stress, and health. 

If you have not parented through substance use, you can’t understand. However, you might get it if you experience strongholds, anger, doubt, fear, and loneliness. If you ever spent time trying to outdo God in a life meant for surrender, then you can understand a piece of the trauma in addiction.

Last February, I found myself a broken heap on the sofa. I cried for the first time in months. Then, for the first time in my life, I reached out for help. I had become a shadow of the vibrant and robust believer I once was. As addiction kept rolling me in the muck of their bad decisions, I stopped fighting. The consuming and unrealistic thoughts of fixing these adults in my life broke my mind.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, 
and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 
2 Corinthians 10:5

People assume this verse relates to evil, uncharacteristic thinking. Yet, I had no evil thoughts when trying to help my kids. Our thoughts must align with obedience to God, all 35-48 of them that we release a minute! I woke up with my loved ones on my mind, and I went to sleep (when I slept) with the same. They became an idol.

I tried so hard to force them into accountability, and I forgot my own. No matter the intentions of my heart, I am called to control my mind (thoughts, feelings, choices). Nothing in my actions showed obedience, surrender, confession, or faith during the preceding years and months. The longer I spent swimming in control (or lack thereof), the more my mind fractured from the heartbreak. 

Who knew I would be the one confessing, accepting, and releasing amid the chaos? Yet, during counseling, I found myself reflecting more and more on my thoughts and actions and less on theirs. 

Accountability is not a simple term we should throw around lightly. We are not accountable to ourselves but to the God who knows, sees, and hears all, even the secrets inside. Our mind is one of God’s priorities. If he takes it seriously, so should we.

Friends, you have to check out Five Minute Friday. One word, five minutes, and you don’t even have to edit! Join the worldwide community today!

8 Replies to “Five Minute Friday, “Accountability””

  1. While I have watched those close to me struggle with family members and addiction, you are right, I have not experienced it in my immediate family. You are so right >>> “We are not accountable to ourselves but to the God who knows, sees, and hears all, even the secrets inside.” And that is true for us all. Grateful you found accountability and pray that God works wholeness and healing in your situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is just for you, with all the love and care in my heart.

    I hope you like it.

    The heroes that compel our hearts
    are not merely the brave and strong,
    but also those who play their parts,
    and admit they may be wrong.
    It’s such a test of fortitude
    to drop the stainless shining shield,
    to let correction then intrude,
    and make the aching choice to yield
    to the God who once created all,
    and Who renews it every morn,
    to the God that sees us fall,
    and with Whom we are reborn
    when in the depths we understand
    that, still, there is His outstretched hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a powerful post, full of transparency and truth. My parents and siblings struggled with addiction and although I saw it from that perspective, yours is a different one where I cannot imagine the pain and struggle. I loved your thoughts of truth, faith in God and to be accountable to Him. Many prayers for you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 2 people

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