It has been a minute since I last took part in the writing challenge with Five Minute Friday. Life got me, folks.
My last entry was June 2020- so if we want to talk accountability, we can. At the time, I had one adult child living at home, grieving a devastating loss due to addiction. Another was sitting in work release following addiction behaviors that led to felony assault.
I lost myself in the fight while trying to hold them accountable. Then, I lost complete accountability in managing my life, stress, and health.
If you have not parented through substance use, you can’t understand. However, you might get it if you experience strongholds, anger, doubt, fear, and loneliness. If you ever spent time trying to outdo God in a life meant for surrender, then you can understand a piece of the trauma in addiction.
Last February, I found myself a broken heap on the sofa. I cried for the first time in months. Then, for the first time in my life, I reached out for help. I had become a shadow of the vibrant and robust believer I once was. As addiction kept rolling me in the muck of their bad decisions, I stopped fighting. The consuming and unrealistic thoughts of fixing these adults in my life broke my mind.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
People assume this verse relates to evil, uncharacteristic thinking. Yet, I had no evil thoughts when trying to help my kids. Our thoughts must align with obedience to God, all 35-48 of them that we release a minute! I woke up with my loved ones on my mind, and I went to sleep (when I slept) with the same. They became an idol.
I tried so hard to force them into accountability, and I forgot my own. No matter the intentions of my heart, I am called to control my mind (thoughts, feelings, choices). Nothing in my actions showed obedience, surrender, confession, or faith during the preceding years and months. The longer I spent swimming in control (or lack thereof), the more my mind fractured from the heartbreak.
Who knew I would be the one confessing, accepting, and releasing amid the chaos? Yet, during counseling, I found myself reflecting more and more on my thoughts and actions and less on theirs.
Accountability is not a simple term we should throw around lightly. We are not accountable to ourselves but to the God who knows, sees, and hears all, even the secrets inside. Our mind is one of God’s priorities. If he takes it seriously, so should we.
Friends, you have to check out Five Minute Friday. One word, five minutes, and you don’t even have to edit! Join the worldwide community today!