As an abused child, I stayed locked behind the bars my abuser erected for the keeping. I held on tight to those bars in hopes they would protect me. Their true purpose was to contain me. The darkness I felt then, I feel now.
The barrier I struggled to face was not about the abuse, the abuser, or anything really related to those many years of torture. The barrier was one I erected, one I had to be willing to confront and to tear down- one block at a time- it was- “Jesus, why did you leave me?”
We know our brain is sending all the wrong signals. We seek help from one place or the other. We pull away because it seems no one understands or cares to understand. Then we reach out again, and if we are lucky, one person may understand.
We are the faces that only we see in a crowd. United by actions I won't repeat now. Family in seclusion, individually colored in every hue. Desiring to be normal, and feel more like you.
The chains holding me in one spot, as I helplessly watch my own being self destruct, can only be broken when I am fully aware and cognizant in my own life.
The battle for ownership of
A broken mind.
Missiles firing, darts flying, guns shooting
All where an eerie quiet resides.