Invincible will never describe me. I am not super human, or super strong, or super anything. I am Lisa- humble, quiet, reserved, and meek. This world can be intimidating and scary even. Filled with fierce determination and absolute faith, this world remains small in the presence of my God.
I am learning the difference of being the one in peril versus being the family member on the outside looking in- powerless, exhausted, speechless, and scared. Picture me tapping my fingernails against the windowpane of a room I cannot enter, tears pouring down my cheeks, and fear capturing every breath I take.
There is beauty here, hidden from day. Silence inviting in a melancholy way. Peace encompasses the chaos of mind Dark envelops the beast of daytime light.
My optimistic enthusiasm was replaced with pessimistic fear. Silently, I battled these wars inside my own mind. As I look back now, it was a tragedy. My own self-defeating tragedy.
Over the last several months I clearly saw myself spiraling, one dreadful circumstance after another. Over and over I looked in the mirror and asked, "Who are you? Where are you?" Over and over I heard silence at the other end.
Hopeless faces surround me. Negative energy is real! I'm not one for 'vibes', but now I see Satan uses the inner being of the hurting.
I began following Amy a while back as I began my own personal journey to share hope and love as a believer living with bipolar disorder. This past week, Amy took her own life, and the community is heartbroken.
Many days we are trying to stay above the waters, and those same days you do the same for you while helping us. You are a treasure. You are a rare and precious jewel, and we could not do this without you.
“I just found your daughter trying to hang herself.”
Yesterday, as my loved one attempted suicide, I had no choice but to finally face my fear and to be strong enough to step forward in faith of the unknown.