When I am bound by bipolar, I fear movement. I cast this unimaginable shadow over myself that darkens with each passing day. I proved this earlier this month when I looked out my office window and noticed the sun.
For fear of losing myself, I take time to get in my head and to lift my spirits through the strength of Jesus Christ. On my own, I fail to save myself. I know this, so I fight to reach in and surrender.
I have long been on the fence regarding support networks. I attended some that only brought me down, and others with so little accountability, you can't rely on their process as support. I appreciate the current group I am meeting with as we are using a specific workbook written for mental health.
I don't choose to hide my truth in some closet in hopes of fooling anyone. I make no claims to owning the answers for mental health. I am not the authority on anything.
A journey through night.
Why do I write and speak on the topic of mental health, namely bipolar disorder?
This is the seesaw of bipolar, the ups and downs of a bipolar mind. We fight to carry on. Some days consist of fighting deep, dark thoughts. Other days, our strength lead the way through chaos..
And sorrow cascades in a hushed certainty.
Fading in and out of reality.
And joy evades, and hope carries away..
what is sure to come again on a better day.
Satan longs to pull me in. His world of hopelessness calls to me and uses any situation to tear me down. I won't be keeping that company.
Do you believe in Satan? I do. I've come face to face with the darkness of the devil, so I take him seriously.