My blog typically aims to discuss mental health and addiction. Peppered through these posts are content pieces outside of those topics. This is one of them.
Years ago, I came up with Authentic Truths. My truth, authentically presented in an informal, non-professional capacity. My heart spoke through my words. I felt free to lay it out there, bare bones and all. My inner most secrets became internet junk mail for those who found me.
I never wavered from my honest approach. If it wasn’t transparent, then I messed up somewhere. The stories on these pages reflect a life full of chaos and calamity, uncertainty, hope and hopelessness. I have no sugar coated bits and pieces. I do not fear my authentic truth.
While my writing has not changed in eight years, the world looks very different. My life has undergone some surgical implants since day one. I travel through the world of addiction as a warrior. Gone are the prayers of ‘guide me Lord into your purpose’. My quiet prayers now revolve around guiding my grandchildren into theirs.
The World According to ME.
I am not a selfish person. I do not speak this lightly. Our world has transformed into a selfish society I don’t recognize. Talk within our culture has transformed to something of my rights over my responsibility. I did not grow up with this ideological mentality. It is foreign and ruthless in my eyes.
Respect exists, but not if we disagree. Baffled by this logic, it makes sense we are at global war with one another on social media. To fulfill this misplaced stance, requires that you must always be right. If another human opposes your view, then the canons fire aimlessly into the digital globe.
We look silly.
I currently care for two grandkids. I am living ‘parenting, take two’. Why? Because I believe with all my heart that people need a second, third, and fourth chance to overcome demons. In all the chaos that comes with addiction, I strive to rise above my anger, sadness, or possible judgement for those in fighting the battle.
I can step outside myself, offer encouragement, time, and love in one of life’s coldest places. Living grief follows me day and night. Even when they are safe and where they should be, I ache from loss of plans, goals, direction, and years of unnecessary pain and confusion.
My life plans are on hold for now. My goals sit collecting dust on the shelf of hope. I am in the years of an empty nest that remains lively with the sounds of life. Some days I consider Gods plan was beyond my scope of vision. Perhaps it was in the opposite direction altogether. Still, I selflessly move forward, loving and caring for the most vulnerable with all I am.
I accept other’s choices. I accept they have their life, and I have mine. I accept their opinion, while being convicted in what I believe. Arguing my side seems petty, even in this major crisis. Passionate discussions will not change where we are today. Just as they change nothing on a screen in the digital universe.
Are we babies throwing tantrums out of selfish desire?
I believe we are.
The blaming we see daily is juvenile in my household; something that exists between ten and eight year olds. The name calling, disrespect, greed, conceit, and projecting of personal perfection in fundamental ideas.
Let me break it to you-You Are Wrong.
Our world is broken. Common sense left the building decades ago. It was replaced with misguided belief in oneself to be accurate and correct. Men believe they can experience life as a woman. You can’t. You can dress the part, but that secret internal mechanism that makes me a woman and you a man will never exist for you. We cannot explain it, draw it up, neon light it, or introduce it in Psychology Today.
The same issues arise for women who desire to be a man. I’m not calling you wrong in your personal desire or opinion. I merely state the truth that we as humans will never fully comprehend the heart and mind of the opposite gender. While anatomy may be tricky within this topic, the mind and heart are not.
I manage a church. I am not the President of the United States, a surgeon, or a nuclear engineer. I cannot speak to the facts around those titles and positions. If I attempted to thwart their wisdom I would be a fool. It would be selfish of me to spit on their expertise with my internet guided opinion.
Shame on us.
We are fighting these dumb and ignorant fights for selfish need to be correct. Why? We cannot change the trajectory of another’s living agenda. We are unable to call down eternal peace on those we love. That power does not belong to us. Selfishly, I wish it was different. Facts are, it’s not.
Self replaced unity, universal aide, the simple word all. ‘I want’ is the whine of loveless souls wondering through life with their hands out for more. They pass opportunities of giving daily in hopes to be more of something their not meant to be. We became bored with goals and hard work. Replaced with instant fame and influencing, an entire generation looks for new ways to point a camera at themselves rather than point their heart at the world.
I suppose sitting around hoping for notoriety is a thing now. The selfie world is not a famous world. It is not a world that contributes or lifts up anything but self. Yet, we are generations into instant gratification. Will we ever end this game?
I have my doubts.