Bipolar Life- The Journal #8

I woke early to catch the sunrise. While walking along the beach I talked to God. Things had been rough. I was trying to maintain my own sanity while watching others struggle in theirs. I knew depression was bringing me down, further and further I felt myself slipping. I struggled to laugh when something was funny. That one inability frustrated me.

When you begin to feel captured and held hostage in your own mind, you know you have a problem. My prayers had been along the lines of needing hedges of protection more than praises and thanks. Little did I know the value in those prayers within only a few days.

As the sun slowly ascended over the horizon I took a series of pictures with my phone. I couldn’t see the pictures immediately due to being bright outside. I saw this one in the elevator ride up to the condo. I was stunned. With one slight tilt, one small change, the perspective changed, and I caught an amazing shot.

Yes, it looks like angel wings. I see much more. I saw an army on the horizon. A warrior leading the way. They were coming for me, to provide something I couldn’t- protection. For only in a few days, someone would need more than I could provide. In their ultimate weakness, God was there to keep them alive and provide all the strength. He was there to hold me up, to carry me through, and to withstand the pain of yet another worst day.
#suicide #pain #mentalhealthawareness #faith

<Unedited, authentic thoughts>