I’m late- but I made it.
I have spent a year in recovery. I set out in January 2021 to heal, and healing is what I’ve done. While dealing with the addictions of loved ones, I became addicted to the desire to see them fight and win their lives back, and some days my fight was for their survival. In the process of thinking I was a warrior for my children, I became a slave to my brokenness.
The day I realized my misguided attempt at playing savior, I turned back to God to achieve one goal- living in Christ and not this world. If only we could smack the easy button and viola, all is good again! It doesn’t work that way. With an intentional effort to reclaim my thoughts and feelings, I set out on a months-long journey of seeking His truth over my reality. I had to surrender all-including the very lives I desperately tried to save.
If I could commit to getting out of God’s way, I would achieve the impossible. Letting go to let God means living outside of every maternal instinct we know. God created us to be a specific gift to the children he gifted us with, but it was never a forever deal. Our place in their lives is never to be above His. Mothers provide from day one- our body, their food, nurturing, care, education, wisdom, advice. From our child’s first cry, smile, runny nose, we are providing. What is needed to overcome addiction, we do not possess.
It took months to achieve peace in the warzone of substance use. I asked God for peace in the early months of 2021, and today, I live in unity with my Heavenly Father. I no longer reside in the center of chaos. I achieved returning to my calm and quiet home. A home that revolved around our Lord and not anything of this world. Blessed to achieve this precious return, I pour out my gratitude daily. The battle rages on, but I will not enlist.
God be with all the parents in a similar position. You can achieve what appears impossible!
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