Bipolar Life-Unwanted Time

You listen intently to the ticking clock. Waiting for each second to pass. The time you are standing in right now, in this place, is unwanted.

“I want to go back.” “I want to skip ahead.”

Whichever I could dream, I would gladly take. There is no escape for this moment. There is no past or future that we can carry ourselves to. We remain planted here, in today.

When your heart is aching, and your mind is numb, you long for relief of it all. Facing the reality of the moment is complex. Wade too far in, and you lose yourself to yesterday. Wade to far forward, and you lose yourself in the moment. Yet staying in this place is an overwhelming sense of pain.

I don’t want to choke on the pain any longer.

I find only one way to be free.

Jesus Christ.

My Jesus, who knows I dread the now. I do not want to be in this darkness. Jesus who sits next to me, gently holding my hand, delicately walking me to edge of return, is patient and kind.

He offers me the space to process and unravel the unknown. He listens intently to my every word and desperate cry.

Jesus knows me.

He knows me intimately and fondly. He carries my Spirit. We are tangled together by a powerful yoke of stability, in my instability.

Jesus invites every soul into this relationship. In the midst of your doubt, your fear, your pain, your sorrow-He invites you into his loving embrace, in this time.

When you are challenged by the worst of the worst, He is there. As you sit in the middle of muck that life creates, He is there. As you blankly stare at a ticking clock, He is there.

He is there in your regrets. He is there in your shame. He is there in all the dirty of your life.

Jesus calls you out. In love, and with joy. You are His, and that mighty love will never let you go.

We can not run or retreat from time. No matter where we are, it is there. If you happen to be in an undesirable dark period, call on Jesus to see you through.

Psalm 25:2

     I trust in you, my God!
Do not let me be disgraced,
    or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.

 

 

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