My daughter and I were walking one day, and without any indication it was coming, a severe windstorm hit us. High winds pushed us backwards; dirt flew at us like darts through the sky. I could not see a thing as my own hair was smacking me in my face.
Suddenly, out of my mouth came a call for God to stop the storm,
“In Jesus’s Name, I command this wind to stop!”
With that, like a switch to a machine on a movie set, abruptly the wind stopped, and everything returned to calm. We walked home.
Right now, I have no words, I have no way of helping the problem, and I have very few avenues of trying beyond listening and praying. The strength of a mother seems to be unending. Our strength can withstand any battle when it comes to our children. When the storms hit, I was always able to fight for them valiantly in those younger years.
However, today, the storm that is hitting, I cannot fix because it is not mine.
I cannot fix everything. While my children are now grown, they are still ‘my’ children. Their pain is real, and it tugs at the strings of my heart in ways I have never experienced. It is one thing to be the mommy that tends to bruises, illness, hurt feelings, child ‘life’ failures. Mommy has those answers and can fix it. However, this is a new ball game. A momma that sits on the sidelines, watching and praying as her children experience life in ways you never wanted them to experience, is tiring. In this new role, I am a bit lost. I have no position on their field, other than kneeling on my knees.
Where anger could be, I have loved. I have said, “I don’t know,” more than I have ever said it in my lifetime. My emotions are up and down, hot and cold, here and there. I’m emotionally drained, but spiritually full.
I see their pain, their broken hearts, and I concede, I am no longer the answer, but I am their prayer warrior, and each one of them knows it. I can listen, I can advise, but I cannot control their actions or decisions or what lies within their storm.
I have prayer and I have faith in a God that is always bigger than high winds that toss us around in life. I have taught them who to call out to from the darkness. I have pointed them in the direction of the healer, comforter, supplier, and friend. They know Jesus Christ. He knows them.
They may not be familiar with the battles they face, but they are familiar with who fights for us in the face of our battles.
My daughter once stood amazed at a simple prayer in the wind, and she never doubted my prayers again. For even when the wind is whipping around us loudly, He is in the midst of the storm with us, and hears our call! It is time for them to stand and shout above the wind, it is time for me to kneel and quietly seek His face, in the Name of Jesus Christ.