A few words on grief and loss.
The state and federal prison systems are no place to tackle the mental illness crisis plaguing our country. They exacerbate the problems. If someone already feels isolated, suicidal, anxiety-prone, or hallucinogenic, imagine the escalation that happens behind bars.
For fear of losing myself, I take time to get in my head and to lift my spirits through the strength of Jesus Christ. On my own, I fail to save myself. I know this, so I fight to reach in and surrender.
I have long been on the fence regarding support networks. I attended some that only brought me down, and others with so little accountability, you can't rely on their process as support. I appreciate the current group I am meeting with as we are using a specific workbook written for mental health.
I follow a few social media style support networks for Christians with depression, and it baffles me that in 2020 we still hear the misguided answer that the devil is living in us through this mental illness. Allow me to correct this with calm words on a screen, as in person, it may get heated.
Sitting at work like, "Was I even here in December. When did the sun come back? What just happened to 2019, was I even in it?"
From far away, things look regular and routine. However, up close, you see the jagged edges and broken pieces of a shattered soul. When I step into myself, I face a stranger.
The world's vision of bipolar or other mental illnesses, is narrow and incomplete. My prayer is that one day the stigma will evaporate and truth will prevail.
What caused a happy, beaming mother to be to decide to use one last time? I will never know. Perhaps the thought of it being the last time never entered her mind.
Does it ever?
Because depression sucks.