Time would heal my wounds, and courage would eventually merge the pieces of my soul. Before God was my everything, I was a floating vessel in search of solid ground.
Even those closest to you cannot stop to join you in your storm. They may say, 'I am here for you,' or 'We will do this together,' but the reality is, no one is emerged in the muck with you. You are standing solo. Maybe your spouse is with you, or maybe not. Other family and friends are over there on the sidelines, cheering you on. You are covered in prayer and loved beyond expectations. However, only one remains at your side.
Wrestling with fear stole my peace; for that, I hold many regrets. Is it possible to fear and still trust? According to this verse, we trust in God and will not fear. One depends on the other.
When mental illness meets addiction, death happens.
A few words on grief and loss.
The state and federal prison systems are no place to tackle the mental illness crisis plaguing our country. They exacerbate the problems. If someone already feels isolated, suicidal, anxiety-prone, or hallucinogenic, imagine the escalation that happens behind bars.
For fear of losing myself, I take time to get in my head and to lift my spirits through the strength of Jesus Christ. On my own, I fail to save myself. I know this, so I fight to reach in and surrender.
I have long been on the fence regarding support networks. I attended some that only brought me down, and others with so little accountability, you can't rely on their process as support. I appreciate the current group I am meeting with as we are using a specific workbook written for mental health.
I follow a few social media style support networks for Christians with depression, and it baffles me that in 2020 we still hear the misguided answer that the devil is living in us through this mental illness. Allow me to correct this with calm words on a screen, as in person, it may get heated.
Sitting at work like, "Was I even here in December. When did the sun come back? What just happened to 2019, was I even in it?"