Reflecting on this question sent me down a network of twists and turns in thought. My first question is, “What goals?” As I sit here in my beautiful home, considering the last year of my life, I wonder where I am now. I’ve been stumbling over this question for months. I even asked God, and he said, “You are here.” (read full story) Isn’t He funny.
Being wrapped and held in the Father’s arms has been a comforting gift. While He reminded me that it doesn’t matter where I am because He is with me, I am still stuck on what to do now. Goal setting seems impossible these days. Planning my life feels foreign. I don’t get that luxury. My life has been planned and set in stone for several years.
My life is peppered with hopes and dreams. I’ve always wanted to travel the world, write a book, and start a business. I challenged myself to set goals related to these dreams, but I never truly believed in the possibility of achieving them. Fate has been the conductor of my life train. Impacted by the choices and decisions of others, I carry my secrets close and follow as told. Perhaps my poor attitude, characterized by negative thoughts, built a wall where God placed open doors.
I don’t say no to things that would interfere with my goals. Not because I’m a pushover but because I’ve convinced myself I can’t achieve them. My goal must be to meet the needs of those in my life who need me now. My goals truly revolve around their goals. They deserve the world. And I have the house I wanted in the place I prayed for. This, to me, is a significant goal met, as it represents trust in God through a situation I struggled to believe in.
I had to say yes to a goal I thought came at the worst time and nearly broke me-moving across the country with a loved one missing voluntarily.
This entire journey through a loved one’s addiction, which began many years ago, has put my whole life on hold while living. I let go of me in place of them. That’s the bottom line. Sometimes in life, we sacrifice and let go of those dreams. I hear someone out there now, “You don’t have to. You can still follow your heart.”
Which way do I go? I have yet to figure that out. Will I ever write a book? I don’t know. I want to, but I wanted to do many things that feel unattainable now. My purpose feels more significant than my dreams, but I am unsure others can understand.
Maybe God has a plan to allow me to live in both places. Perhaps He needed me to write this out today to see the limits I’m placing on him. Is it time to see the next goal, hope, and dream and believe it can be achieved? If it comes from God, I will tell the world no. This I pray.
Authentic Truths 