I want to go home, get out, be done, leave this world. It holds nothing for me. The world has been a pain in my ass from the get go.
Through the storm..We can find peace.
My year was not consumed by Covid, it was consumed by jail, drugs, alcohol, and mental decline- not of me, but of those around me. Internalizing their issues has been my downfall, and I still don't know how to overcome the battle.
In today's world, it is not uncommon for feelings to rule. If I look back on my life, it has been this way for a long time. I cannot say it was always this way. Generations before me experienced feelings in situations, dealing with them, then letting them go. Life went on, and hurt or …
(It is #77) What the hell am I doing? I rarely cuss. I hate it, to be honest. If it leaves my mouth, my patience is fried. I may be there today. I watched a movie early this morning. A sappy love film. "How long have you been married? Do you really even know who …
Is this a meltdown of sorts? For the first time in my life, I am crying out to myself- not a doctor, not family, not even God. I am internally wailing at myself to wake up, to feel, to live. Yet, I have zero response in me.
Then without warning, I disappeared.
There is darkness in information overload, constant debating turned confrontation and reading the barrage of opinions and rude remarks. We listen, unpack, then regurgitate it back to the masses. All the while, filling our thoughts with worldly nonsense in a brain not capable of holding more. Processing is a function that tires you out. If you don't prioritize your ideas, you will lose ground in mental clarity and stability.
Where something beautiful should be, lies a vacant space only filled with the waste of pain. Years of abuse scavenged every last bit of light—a broken mind from a broken heart.
"I'm doing all I can to get through my own struggle."