For the longest time, I have contemplated God’s calling on my life. Sounds deep, I know. I wanted it to be mission work, and I am still in negotiations with Him on that. Then, I hoped for writing. I have been a writer since forever, making it easy. However, over the past several months, I keep feeling pushed toward speaking. Allow me to be honest, not only do I question this choice, but I doubt my ability.
I tried a Facebook video the other day. I wanted to encourage those that follow my page Authentic Truth for Bipolar Living. Cell phone, with no make-up, is a scary thought. I did the best I could, and sent my message to the hundreds that follow. I was nervous and kept looking up toward the ceiling (what is that). My final assessment was if I can’t make a decent video, how do I get up and speak?
God calls us to trust him, so all this overthinking is doing me no good. If I want to join His purpose for my life, a life I surrendered to him long ago, then I have to trust. When I doubt, I have to ask for help. When I fumble over words, there is a need to ask the Holy Spirit to speak for me or guide my words. I can’t join a plan I oppose. It would be obvious I came kicking and screaming. His message would be invisible behind my attitude and fear.
So, I am taking this time to listen, reflect, and cover myself in prayer. God has called me to join a significant part of his family. One that takes His message of salvation, hope, and love to a community in need, the mentally ill population.